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ST. ALBANS, Vt. -

A Vermont man is due in court Monday afternoon after leading St Albans police on a chase with one of their own cruisers.

Police say it all started when they tried to stop Rodger Patenaude as he was walking down North Elm Street Sunday night.

“Officers were attempting to arrest a subject wanted on a warrant, he is well known to the officers. There was a foot pursuit and he was just ahead of the officer and he managed to jump into the cruiser. As the officer jumped over the snow bank to try to stop him, he actually struck the officer with the car, as he fled away,” said St. Albans Police Chief Gary Taylor.

The officer was not badly hurt. Other officers gave chase, but it didn’t last long. Police say Patenaude crashed the stolen cruiser into a telephone pole on Route 104. He’s expected to face multiple charges Monday.

police

Well isn’t this some GTA V type shit. Ordinarily, I don’t support criminals, but you gotta respect the hustle from this guy. Honestly, if my life was in the shitter and I was high on drugs, I’d want to joy rode in a cop car too, you just simpler can’t know on that type of hustle and dedication. Only problem your boy Patenaude had here was usually when you’re cracked out enough to steal a cop car, you’re most likely cracked out enough to not see a giant pole on the side of the road.

And  while we are on the topic of GTA, I’m impressed he was able to steal the cop car so easily. I can barely do it clean on GTA V without getting 4 stars. I always have to do in a shooting blaze of glory. Just sucks for this guy to not even reach two stars….what a pussy.

-Gonzo

Introducing Kaylyn Kyle, America discovered her in this most recent woman’s World Cup in the US vs. Canada epic game. But now she gets her Benchwarmers Sports debut…enjoy:

kaylyn_kyle_kyle_kaylyn3_8bNvimk.sizedimages kaylyn-kyle-hot-football-playerKaylyn-Kyle-TwitterkaylmKaylyn-Kyle-Instagram4

 

-Gonzo

 

duf2 duf3 duff1“Generally speaking, I don’t do much hiking” might be the quote of the century, just a classic Dufner line. Guy is just a living legend. Out kicked his coverage by a solid mile in a half, but who gives a shit when you’re a PGA player, I certainly don’t. Dufner is just playing the game. Girl wants to go for a scenic  nature walk? Then you bring her on said nature walk and reap the rewards later that night, while he his packing a massive dip and going to town on his smokestack of a wife.

P.S. Sneaky favorite quote of this video, is when his wife says “ohhh look at that tree” and Dufner promptly replies with “Yup”.

-Gonzo

Okay so this video was breaking the inter webs this past week, America in a uproar that Rodman was singing Happy Birthday to little baby face Kimmy Jong. Personally, it doesn’t bother me, but I will say watching this was awkward as fuck. I felt like at any moment, Baby Face was gonna sic his little minions on me for not clapping or something along those lines.

That aside, there were a couple of highlights, a couple of North Korea Top 4 plays if you will:

4) Their arena or auditorium or whatever they call it, is kinda of awesome and cool looking. Aside from the fact that it reeks of dictatorship, communism and rigorously ordered, it’s pretty cool.

Screen Shot 2014-01-09 at 4.01.57 PM

3) I love all of the American just clapping along cue with everyone else. Like you know damn well they don’t want to clap for Baby Face, but you also know that they are thinking; “if I don’t clap, I’m being sent out to the dogs.” Screen Shot 2014-01-09 at 4.02.45 PM

2) Rodman having both first and last name on his jersey his such a power move. Just fighting for that #1 spot on the power move rankings with Kimmy Jong-Un, however, Baby Face wins in a landslide.Screen Shot 2014-01-09 at 4.03.23 PM

1)Kim1.001And several people from this crowd were without a doubt brought out back at the end of the game and executed, mainly;

#1: For simply being to fat and not up to snuff on the dress code. Hey bro, didn’t you know North Korea is in poverty and malnourish up to their eyeballs? You can’t be seen looking like the Asian Pillsbury doughboy in public like that. Now the American’s might not send food to your dear leader.

#2: He was probably executed simply for picking his nose during Baby Faces birthday song. How dare you pick your nose during that song.

#3a/b: Not sure if these two were actually executed, but if we learned one thing, that’s turtlenecks are still in style in North Korea. Buncha turtleneck savages over there in NK.

-Gonzo

UH band

Trumpet game, so hot right now, trumpet game. Welp, my almost Alma Mater is looking good. I guess you can’t blame such tenacity when you get to travel to bowl games for free. Trumpet game doesn’t stop for no one, just ask this UH chick.

-Gonzo

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If you happen to live under a rock or simply don’t follow sporting news 24/7, then you may have missed this, otherwise I’m sure everyone has heard that the NFL is struggling to sell out three playoff games in Green Bay, Cincinnati and Indianapolis respectively. Don’t believe me? Well see here, here and here. Let’s also point out that the struggle to bring fans into stadiums during playoffs isn’t just an NFL problem, MLB is also struggling as well, even the perennial powerhouse New York Yankees have their attendance flaws in October.

However, if you are anyone that has half a brain, none of this should come as any surprise. Let’s start with the Green Bay Packers, who have a sell out record at some 300+ consecutive games and have a season ticket waiting list a mile long. Often regarded as one of the best fan bases in all of sports, many seem to be surprised that the Packers are failing to put butts into the seats this upcoming Sunday. But I’m not.

Perhaps this all could be over the fact that ticket prices to NFL playoff games are sky-high, I’m talking some $200-$300 base starting price per ticket. Not to mention you have to pay for parking which is just stupidly priced and then you have things like expensive shitty stadium food to pay for and beer which per ounce seems to be comparable to gold prices.

Oh and shall we not forget, in Green Bay, it’s forecasted to be colder than Antarctica ( Yes, I exaggerated for creative effect) on Sunday. Temperatures not even above zero and a combined wind chill bringing it to a bone numbing -30+ degrees F. Sure, this excuse can not be applied to Indianapolis or even Cincinnati, but for this, the weather is a contributing factor for the empty seats in Green Bay.

All of that being said, why the actual fuck would a family or even a couple want to shell out a grand or even two grand to go watch a 3 hour football game in the barren hell that is Mother Nature. When one can simply go buy a 30 rack of light beer for $20 order some food for $30 and plop your fat ass on your sofa and watch it on your massive LCD HD television, which will give you better views than any seat in that stadium. Sitting in your living room, getting drunk with your buddies with your jersey on doesn’t make you any less of a fan or a fair-weather fan, or petty.  It makes you smart, sensible and drunk with a much heavier wallet or bank account.

So as a fan and as a sensible human being, I will politely go tell Roger Goodell to go fuck himself and his blackouts.

-Gonzo

bball1 bball2 bball3Who the fuck is Champion Baptist College and why are they allowed to play basketball? I did some quick research and by research I mean I quickly Googled “Champion Baptist College wiki” and no joke their Wikipedia page was created today (December 31st, 2013) and apparently the “college” only has 250 students? My high school had more kids than that for crying out loud. Is there a Division 33 in the NCAA? Because I’m 100% sure Campion here should be in that division.

Realtalk here for a moment. A majority of us here have rode pine in high school/college athletics, been there done that, but give me a break with this here. No way would I want to play for a team that loses by an average of 73 points each game (Yes I did the math). Fuck that noise. I would rather sit in the library all day than play for this team. Mind boggling that they even have team to begin with.

-Gonzo

badpuntHey #82, once you pull your head out of the field and dust the cobwebs from your brain, from that concussion come talk to me about how to run. I’m not an expert in running, but I know full well the golden rule is to not face plant your dome piece into the 50 yard line. If you can’t get the fundamentals down, then step aside and let your boy Gonzo take the helm.

Oh and can we stop with the absurd names for all of these bowls? Yeah I understand it’s about the money in the naming rights, but is it possible to limit it to one word companies? Like the Ford Bowl? Or the Verizon Bowl? The “Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl” can go fuck itself. If I can’t say it 3 times fast, it shouldn’t exist.

-Gonzo

Browns FanDepression city, population 390,928, aka the entire population of Cleveland. Like Jimmy Crickets, I can’t even think of a entire city that is in a perpetual state of depression like Cleveland is. Ya, Detroit still remains a strong #1 seed, but not gonna lie, Cleveland is a close 2nd.

It has come to the point where I think I would rather live in Detroit than have to live in Cleveland. At least Detroit at 4 teams for me to get depressed too, whereas Cleveland only has the hot mess that is the Browns, and the Cavaliers, who haven’t been relevant since LBJ took his talents to Miami.

And while we are on the subject, I respect the hell out of this guy. That’s some serious dedication. 15 years!? 15 fucking years of Browns depression? Guy deserves a Purple Heart for his valor. I would have already offed myself if that was me.

-Gonzo

maskWhat the actual fuck!?! I don’t even know what is going on here. Like is this supposed to be a face mask? Or some weird jaw supporting wrap? Is it made out of tin foil? So many questions, so little answers. To be honest, the only thing that it resembles in my messed up head, is some kinky BDSM torture contraption.

Actually it reminded me of this Ghostbusters scene:
ghostbusters-rick-moranis_l1

-Gonzo

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