Honorable Mention: The Jets Suck:

Reason this didn’t make the actual list…everyone already knows it. But a quick look at this draft basically tells you all you need to know. Their first choice wasn’t bad, they took Dee Milliner who to be fair will be a good corner. However, they could’ve probably gone with his teammate Chance Warmack, a guard, who is an avid opponent of buttfumbling. Instead they chose a corner who has so many surgeries it’s debatable that he’ll get through the new TSA checkpoints. But after that is where it gets worse, first, they passed on Shariff Floyd and Star Loutelei and went with Sheldon Richardson. Loutelei will be good, but the heart condition probably makes it okay to skip, but Floyd?! I mean come on, people thought he might go top 5 if not 1st (if only Pioli were still in KC). And then to top it off they draft Geno Smith. Because hey, if you’re in this deep with a quarterback controversy, what’s one more guy?

10.) Big Is Beautiful

Okay, you probably noticed this, because it looked like a stampede of elephants going to give Goodell a hug. But the amount of lineman taken was almost absurd-36 linemen overall, but 9 were taken in round 1 and 5 of the first 10 picks were linemen. As much as people really want to see the big play, it appears teams are putting in the money to get the guys who make that happen. Also appears they don’t care what they pay for food, must be buffets.

9.) Bill Belichek Loves Rutgers:

3 of New England’s 7 picks were from Rutgers. And all 3 were on Defense. They’ve had a ton of success with Devin McCourty, who reportedly pushed for these picks. I have a hard time trusting the judgement of a guy who has a joint Twitter account with his brother.  Bill, you can do better.

8.) Kevin Costner Is Back

I bet you didn’t think good ole Kev was gonna do anything for a while, but hey, the draft is long and everyone knows a solid Costner flick lasts a couple of hours. The film, which Arian Foster will be in is called Draft Day-A film about a GM trying to get the struggling to get the first pick in the draft, didn’t think you really wanted that but oh well (IMDb)They were actually filming it on location at the draft. I think Mel Kiper jr. actually hired an agent for his hair, not real sure, Schefty couldn’t confirm or deny. But with the premise being a GM trying to secure the first pick in the draft, I wonder what team they’ll use? Oakland?

7.) Rex Ryan Can Shoot 3’s?

If you actually listened to the wonderful commentary the NFL Network was providing, you would’ve heard talk of basketball games the Ravens staff played in the gym. And of course while they everyone was playing and being athletic, then defensive coordinator Rex Ryan was walking around the track. But according to David Shaw and I believe Daniel Jeremiah who both worked in Baltimore at the time…Rex can shoot threes like it’s nobodies business…Also can throw footballs…The most athletic unathletic person ever eh?

6. ) Martin St. Louis Won A Scoring Title

Okay, not really a draft story. But it happened during the draft. You’d think people would rather watch a game with some significance, then the selection of your favorite team’s practice squad or a bunch of old guys talk about their glory days, but you didn’t…in any event he’s the oldest guy to win at 37, and he was undrafted…talk about a chip on your shoulder Mike Mayock…

5.) Mike Mayock Has A Chip On His Shoulder

Actually, if you were a real die hard like myself, and listened to the commentary you would’ve heard this about 50 times. But Mayock, a tenth round selection (That was before Mel Kiper, so no one knew what was happening) never let us forget it. He would constantly bring it up over and over again and would challenge all who dared oppose him…see this little spout at Rich Eisen.

4.) Every Player Your Team Drafted From Rounds 4-7 Were “Great Picks”

Yes, the folks at ESPN were really validating a lot of people. Every practice squad player became an instant “value pick”. I get it that Tom Brady and Drew Brees were late round draft picks, but come one, a left tackle from Eastern Missouri State Teacher’s College drafted in the 7th round really isn’t about to win any awards. I guess you could make the argument he’s a value pick because you don’t have to pay him much and he’s a warm body.

3.) Mark Sanchez’s Brother is His Agent

Yeah you read that correctly, Mark Sanchez’s brother, Nick is his agent. According to one website from a couple years back, Nick had no prior knowledge of being an agent, just like Mark had no prior knowledge playing quarterback. Same website (prosportsgroup.com) also cited an latimes.com poll asking readers if Sanchez was ready for the NFL, and they said he wasn’t…just some food for thought.

2.) Mel Kiper jr. Has Been Doing This For 30 Years

30 years! He has been doing draft coverage since before everyone being drafted was a sparkle in their parent’s eyes. Not only that, Kiper started doing this at age 24…He didn’t even go to college, just started evaluating players, he’s a better angrier Bill Gates. And he is a man of many talents including….

1.) Mel Kiper Has a 30 Year Streak…

Of not having an in-draft bathroom break. According to God, I mean Adam Schefter, in Kiper’s 30 years of draft day work  he has yet to take a bathroom break during the draft. Considering I had to take about 3 in the first 5 picks, this is impressive. Even more impressive is that Kiper is 52, which means that his bladder is shrinking rapidly. And even more impressive is that Kiper’s hair do remained the same throughout the whole draft. What gel does this guy use? That is incredible.

First check the flow, notice how perfect it is. Second check the look, work it Mel, you're a tiger

First check the flow, notice how perfect it is. Second check the look, work it Mel, you’re a tiger

As always, your judgment is encouraged if not required, drop a comment in the comment section below and I’ll ignore it for a week or so.

-El Perro Grande

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