Some backstory here; so I literally had this blog in the making for weeks, just scouring the inter webs for videos of the worst of the worst first pitches in baseball history. To make a long story, short; today, I was surfing Buzzfeed while in my 3 hour Environmental Ethics (ethics and this blog, ohh the irony) class and what do I see? A freakin’ blog of the “The 17 Least Accurate Ceremonial First Pitches in Baseball History“, it was like a stab in back, my stomach dropped, as did my jaw. It’s like they reached into my head and pulled out my brilliant idea and I’m going to stop short of calling it stealing, but that’s essentially what it is at this point. So in return, I am going to ‘borrow’ their GIF’s to make my own list, like I had originally planned.

P.S. I don’t like doing a lot of GIF’s, because I now they slow the hell out of your computer and take a while to load, but I have no other choice. The MLB social media Gestapo, are cold blooded killers and it’s impossible to find good MLB videos on YouTube or anywhere else for that matter and be able to post them onto your own site.

Anywho, enough with my rambling and on with the list: ¡Ándele! ¡Ándele! ¡Arriba! ¡Arriba! ¡Epa! ¡Epa! ¡Epa! Yeehaw!

14.5) Adam take 2–This second throw is better than others that will be listed below, but couldn’t separate it, had to keep these two together. But, progress, I like it Adam. I do not even care if it was high, I’ll take this over a bounce everyday of the week.

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14) Adam Corolla–Honestly, not a bad throw. His setup, his windup, his follow through all straight A’s. He threw an absolute heater, but he bounced it, just ruined it all.  Not has good as his second throw though, I think we can agree on that. And again, men should not bounce the ball to the plate, just shouldn’t happen.

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13) Karen Peterson–A school teacher I guess? At first, I thought this was a little kid, like a 4th grader that was wearing a wig. Didn’t realize it was some 40+ year old (being very liberal with the age here). The throw is abysmal, but the reaction is what makes this so great or bad, depends on how you look at it.

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12) Charlie Christ (former Florida Governor)–It kind of looked like he was knuckle balling it a little bit, I am pretty sure that’s why it butter-fngered off his hands, I could be wrong though. I just created you a nice excuse Charlie, you’re welcome.

On another note, I was surprised to see so much people at a Rays game, astonishing.

11)  Gary “Baba Booey” Dell’Abate — Yea he didn’t make it to the catcher, but at least it was in the air the whole way and he didn’t bounce it to home plate, can’t knock him for that. And to his credit, he had that asshole running in on his left and into his peripheral vision which totally messed up his timing of release, no doubt about that one.

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10) Jessica Jung–I have zero idea who this is, even when I internet stalked her. Just zero clue. Probably just your everyday Joe like you and I. But that is no excuse for that pathetic throw. I am pretty sure the ball bounced back up after it hit the ground farther than she actually threw it. That’s never a good thing.

Also, what’s up with the batter standing in the box? That’s not kosher, possibly why she was intimidated. Understandable.

Oh and this is probably a top 5 worst throw, but because I have no idea who she is, she free falls in the rankings.

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9) Joan Steinbrenner–I feel kind of bad for putting little ol’ Joan in at the 9 seed, especially with that last name. But the blog has no sympathy for anybody, Joan is no exception. To be honest, it’s a terrible throw. Not only is she 15′ from home plate, but she also bounces it and musters up a MPH of -5.

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8) John Wall–Another pro athlete, albeit for the Washington Wizards if that still counts. His wind up was an A-, but from there, it turns into a solid D+. Listen, all guys must be able to get the ball to the catcher. This whole bouncing concept is ludicrous. Clean it up John.

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7) Mariah Carey–There may be some controversy on this one, understandable, but I have been giving females a slight curve on their ‘first pitch grades’, because they are after all, woman. The phrase “you throw like a girl” didn’t just come out of the blue one day. It’s reasons like this, that caused it to be created. Anyways, her looks give her a boost to #7, plus it’s Asian baseball, just a whole different grading criteria.

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6) Denard Robinson–A Michigan man, college athlete, things like this shouldn’t happen if you are an athlete it’s simple as that. His aim was dead on, but one-hopping it to the plate is not a good look.

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5) Shawn Johnson–Our first appearance from a former Olympian (1/2) and highest female on this glorious list. Could have been worse, but certainly not good. However, the wind appears to be howling pretty good out there, judging by the flags. I’m assuming that’s what made her throw break left.

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4) Cincinnati mayor Mark Mallory–Wasn’t even close, ball never had a chance. Perhaps it’s because, he didn’t have a real catcher? Or the entourage of paparazzi just blinding him on the windup. We may never know, just a poor showing all around and it’s why it lands him in the 4 spot.

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3) John Bledsoe–Probably has no connection with Drew Bledsoe, but that last name, a pitch like this is totally uncalled for. And yes, the summersault thingy was forced, but it sums up the throw nicely.

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2) The Kardashians (Kris, Khloe, Kourtney, Kim)–Listen, if Carl Lewis wasn’t an ex-Olympian, the Krapdashians, would be a mortal lock for #1. They shouldn’t even be out there, let alone all 4 of them pitching at once.

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1) Carl Lewis–Bro, you’re a damn Olympian. Ball didn’t even fly 10 ft, put some backbone into that puppy and give her a ride, you are embarrassing the US with this flop of a throw.

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-Gonzo

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