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And he swings and misses! Well technically he doesn’t miss, but for his ego, he might as well say he missed. Fundamentally, I can’t comprehend how someone can not kick a soccer ball. Just flabbergasting. Stage fright? Perhaps. I mean how many people where there in the stands watching Will Smith kick a damn soccer ball? 10,000? 20,000? Whatever number of fans were there, it was more than Miami Marlins and Florida Panthers combined. Kind of embarrassing for the City of Miami, not gonna lie.

The funny part is, when I was a little kid, around the age of 2. I was showing off my soccer skills and went to kick a ball just like Mr. Smith here. And long story short, I missed completely, fell awkwardly and ended up breaking my femur and being in a full lower body cast for 7 months. I shit you not. And ironically, I went on to being an All-American soccer star for my High School. And by All-American, I mean All-American benchwarmer…also a true story.

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And get a load of this picture. So many different ethnicities combined into one picture. #2, is about the age of my dad. Receding hairline city. Not to mention he is a minimum of 44.2 years old. The next guy on the right, is of South American decent, nothing really important about him. Not sure why I even wrote about him. And then the guy on the right, talk about a minority in this group. Guy looks like he just got imported from Scandinavia. Straight from Norway or Sweden. I mean look at those luscious golden locks of love. Nothing short of impeccable.

-Gonzo

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