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Well Jiminy Crickets Sears!! What the fuck are you trying to do to me here. Go online to oder my fab Packers jersey and bam get a giant dildo dong straight in my eyeball. Not a good way to start any day.

First things first, if you shop at Sears for clothing you are an idiot. Almost deserve to have a dildo pop up on your screen.

Secondly, how in the flying fuck is that shirt worth $70? 70 goddamn dollars? Are you joking? Is it made out of Egyptian Caterpillar Silk with a 2300 thread count? Give me a break on that shit.

Thirdly, I’m by far the next dildo expert, but is that even a dildo? It can’t be right? To be honest it looks more like an molded dick that you hang on your mantle or wall like a hunting trophy, rather than a dildo. And why is there two of the same “coffee” dildos? Is that racist?

 

-Gonzo

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