Category: Other Sports


A Vermont man is due in court Monday afternoon after leading St Albans police on a chase with one of their own cruisers.

Police say it all started when they tried to stop Rodger Patenaude as he was walking down North Elm Street Sunday night.

“Officers were attempting to arrest a subject wanted on a warrant, he is well known to the officers. There was a foot pursuit and he was just ahead of the officer and he managed to jump into the cruiser. As the officer jumped over the snow bank to try to stop him, he actually struck the officer with the car, as he fled away,” said St. Albans Police Chief Gary Taylor.

The officer was not badly hurt. Other officers gave chase, but it didn’t last long. Police say Patenaude crashed the stolen cruiser into a telephone pole on Route 104. He’s expected to face multiple charges Monday.


Well isn’t this some GTA V type shit. Ordinarily, I don’t support criminals, but you gotta respect the hustle from this guy. Honestly, if my life was in the shitter and I was high on drugs, I’d want to joy rode in a cop car too, you just simpler can’t know on that type of hustle and dedication. Only problem your boy Patenaude had here was usually when you’re cracked out enough to steal a cop car, you’re most likely cracked out enough to not see a giant pole on the side of the road.

And  while we are on the topic of GTA, I’m impressed he was able to steal the cop car so easily. I can barely do it clean on GTA V without getting 4 stars. I always have to do in a shooting blaze of glory. Just sucks for this guy to not even reach two stars….what a pussy.



Introducing Kaylyn Kyle, America discovered her in this most recent woman’s World Cup in the US vs. Canada epic game. But now she gets her Benchwarmers Sports debut…enjoy:

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Hey MJ. Watch the damn elbow would you. Just because you are the greatest basketball player to ever play the game, doesn’t mean you can simply go out there all willy nilly and be leaning ‘bows all over the table like that. Totally unprofessional.

That out of the way, there are only a couple of things I hate when idiots play pong, elbows for guys is numero uno!

1) Guys elbows over the table. Girls never hit more than two shots a game, so not to worried about them.

2) People who call it beirut. Get out of my face with that. It’s called Beer Pong.

3) People who don’t play with actual beer in their cups. This has been an ever so increasing event, playing with actual booze in the cups is what makes the game fun, makes it inciting. When you sink a cup or get balls back and no one takes a drink it’s the most demoralizing thing ever. So respect to MJ in that department.

That’s it, you follow those simple rules and we will get along just fine.

And for the record, I’m an all lob guy, the LBJ of pong. I never bounce, I don’t want to rely on my opponents incompetence to win games, I need the ball in my court not theirs.


bacon(CNN) — A painting by artist Francis Bacon sold for $142,405,000 on Tuesday, breaking the record as the most expensive piece of art ever auctioned, according to a statement from the auction house.

“Three Studies of Lucian Freud” was sold after six minutes of bidding in the room and on the phone at Christie’s in New York City, according to spokeswoman Elizabeth Van Bergen.

Painted in 1969, it is known as one of Bacon’s most iconic works, as it features Lucian Freud at the apex of his relationship with Bacon, according to the auction house’s statement.

$142 million dollar for this thing?! No way! No way! How in the world is this even remotely close to 142 million dollars, it’s not. So this Bacon fella takes some PCP or LSD or whatever the hot drug on the streets in the late 60’s was and paints a horse man in a trifecta and adds some lines and boom 142 million? For sure not.

I just can’t wrap my head around these crazy art lunatics. Like who decides that this specific painting is worth so much money? Why this one over say my spin art from 10 years ago? I’m not saying I’m an artist, but I can for sure paint something more unique than this horseman chair painting.

In fact look at this awesome water painting color I did not even a year ago;


How beautiful and downright charming is this landscape masterpiece of mine? High in emotion with the dark rolling clouds coming in hot. One lone pin tree amongst the other seasonal dying trees symbolizes the strength and fortitude and resilience of human life (I just made that up). My reflection painting game is so on point, check. The barn shadows? A+. Just utilizing anything and everything I learned from the forced art classes I had to take in elementary school.

So you going to tell me right to my face that this work of art isn’t worth more than 142 million? That’s just blasphemous a utter insult to my human existence.


Your Woman Crush Wednesday this week is Carrie Underwood. Sure she doesn’t play sports or report them, but she is a drop dead gorgeous and a Twitter follower put in the request. We are for the people, by the people.

Carrie Underwood:

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Fuck this robot and his perfect winning rate. Rock, paper, scissors (RPS) is my game, hell I practically reinvented it in 2nd grade with shit like astroids and lightning and volcanos, I digress. In any case, this robot isn’t winning anything, only thing this robot is doing is reacting, anyone can react. RPS is more about ones reaction rate, it’s all about pure talent. I’m simply good at RPS, that’s not something science and robotics can take away from me, it’s the only thing I have left.

So you little bastard robot, I formally challenge you to a duel!

Winner, winner chicken dinner. Advantage…Gonzo. Did I do it again, or did I do it again.


Okay, so last week in my science lab, I had a huge debate with a couple of jabronies in there over what the best hot sauce was. One said Tabasco (absurd), one said Sriracha, yadda yadda yadda you get my point. In any case I need to set the record first as saying the bet hot sauce that is sold in supermarkets is without a doubt Cholula. So flavorful, so dense with the perfect spice/flavor ratio, great body the list goes on and on. So what’s yours?

1) Cholula










2) Sriracha











3) Texas Pete












4) Franks Red Hot (for wings)














5) Tabasco











Worst Halloween Candy Ever

So it’s Halloween and I’m in a super festive mood. I was gonna make a list of the best halloween candy, but that was to hard, so because I’m lazy, I’ll take the easy route and create a list of the worst halloween candy that you got growing up. And trust me there is a lot of options so I’ll do top 5 worse.

**Bear in mind I’m a 90’s baby, so you old people might be confuzzled.

5) Wax Lips

Literally the worst toy candy ever. Tasted like shit. Looked disgusting. Was impossible to trade off at school because no one else like them and all it did was take up valuable space in my tiny trick-or-treat bucket.

Wax lips



4) Bit-O-Honey

This was like the poor mans version of laffy taffy. It was hard as a rock, tasted like shit and I would rather have eaten cardboard.



3) Double Bubble

It’s not that I hated gum, it’s just that I hated getting gum by the bucket loads that the flavor would literally last no longer than 90 seconds. You would have to shove like 10 pieces in your mouth just to get some good flavor going and then pretend it’s like chaw for the rest of the time.


2) Necco Wafers

Most pointless candy ever invented. It was like eating chalk. It’s like the rice cakes of candy. Just utter garbage. And back in the day, for some reason everybody in their mother handed these flavored chalk out. Gross.




1) Candy Corn

Oh yayyy! Colored wax, just what I wanted. Not. By far, hands down the worst candy of all time. And if you disagree you have no taste buds congrats. They might as well just have handed my a candle and told me Happy Halloween.


Raisins/Fruit/Pencils/Stickers are all in the top 5, but those aren’t candy so I decided to not include them. And if you were one of those people to hand me raisins. Fuck you.


I’m on a huge thing with hot sports reporters right now. And if that’s wrong then sue me, becauseI don’t won’t to be right.

In this case we have Ms. Erin Hanksworth a reporter for Sportsnet Canada, whatever that means.

Enjoy fellas;

erin1 erin2 erin3 erin4 erin5

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Well Jiminy Crickets Sears!! What the fuck are you trying to do to me here. Go online to oder my fab Packers jersey and bam get a giant dildo dong straight in my eyeball. Not a good way to start any day.

First things first, if you shop at Sears for clothing you are an idiot. Almost deserve to have a dildo pop up on your screen.

Secondly, how in the flying fuck is that shirt worth $70? 70 goddamn dollars? Are you joking? Is it made out of Egyptian Caterpillar Silk with a 2300 thread count? Give me a break on that shit.

Thirdly, I’m by far the next dildo expert, but is that even a dildo? It can’t be right? To be honest it looks more like an molded dick that you hang on your mantle or wall like a hunting trophy, rather than a dildo. And why is there two of the same “coffee” dildos? Is that racist?