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Czech RefHey ref! Gotta keep that head on a swivel, look alive out there bro. I’m no referee, but I’m 100% sure the first and second rule, in the rule book of refs is to; 1) Keep head on swivel and 2) Don’t attempt to stop a fight from starting. If you fail to abide by those simple rules, you will always be truck sticked. That’s just science. Survival of the fittest if you will.



DET hockey no lightsThis is so Detroit that it hurts. Yeah sure they probably ‘staged’  this for HBO’s 24/7, but let’s be honest here for a minute. We all know full well that this is a everyday occurrence for not only the Red Wings, but the whole damn City of Detroit. Hey Detroit, didn’t you know this is America, and in America we are not supposed to look like some 3rd world country who can’t even afford to keep the lights on for a little hockey practice. Figure it out Detroit. You are not just hurting yourselves, but you are hurting America here.


Jerry Jones Plays God

It’s Jerry’s world and we just live in it. Still not convinced that saying is true? Well take a look at this.  Tony Romo, Jerry’s super expensive quarterback suffered a back injury in the ever so important win against Washington (Video below, sorry for the quality, thanks Bleacher Report)

Romo would finish out the game, throwing a last minute checkdown pass touchdown to win it. However, shortly after ESPN’s top secret agents, Adam Schefter and Chris Mortensen reported that Romo was in fact done for the season. Hell, Mort even said he needed surgery!

So the whole world is acknowledging that Romo can’t play. I mean, hell, he has a goddamn hernia. My uncle had one once and he could barely breathe. Tough one for the ‘Boys right?

Wrong. Jerry has different ideas. According to ESPN Jerry Jones won’t rule out Romo for Sundays potential playoff clinching game. Yep, Jerry Jones now dictates how bad an injury is, the man is officially God. For Christmas he better get Romo some cortisone shots cause it is gonna be a long game.

Slight update, it appears the Cowboys have brought in a few QB’s, namely David Carr and John Skelton. Because hey, if they’re going to lose they might as well bring in guys who know how to do it. Oh and their backup? Yeah that’s Kyle Orton who looks like he still has a home in Colorado if ya know what I mean.

Fabio Orton (Tim Heitman-USA TODAY Sports)

Well Merry Christmas Cowboys fans! It’s going to be just like your family holiday party, dysfunctional and probably full of alcohol.

-El Perro Grande

What’s up ya mutts?! Been a while, I know. Blame Obama. But really blame college finals for the lack of awesome writing from myself, EPG and the Black Pearl.

Anyways, back on the blog grind, spitting out fire flame blogs.

We start off with Steve Spurrier getting his gym game on with your ever so casual exercise ball ‘Hump Thrusts’. Yes, you read that right, take a look at this form:

Spurrier Gym


No wonder why my abs are non-existent, I have been completely ignoring the hump thrust rotations in my gym routine. Such an idiot move on my part. When you want to look the best, you have to be the best and the only way to go about that, is with the hump thrust. Just completely reinventing the core workout and that’s something you have to respect.

P.S. Somewhere in there, there is a way to make a joke about the South Carolina Gamecocks, I’m just not smart enough to wrap my head around it.


So with the start of the new PGA tour season coming around, I wanted to take the time to tell you about a couple players that you should keep your eye on over the season.

Jordan Speith- This guy is one of my favorite golfers, he burst onto the scene last year when he tied for second at the Purto Rico Open in March.  He followed up that with some top tens to earn special temporary member status on the PGA tour.  Might I add while doing this he was only 19.  Shit when I was 19 I barley knew what I was gonna eat for breakfast and this dude is out there not just playing on the PGA tour but competing.  His big moment came when he won the John Deere Classic in a 3 way sudden death playoff.  Beating Zach Johnson and David Hearn.  He was the first teenage winner in 82 years, this win also got him full status on the PGA tour.  No he didn’t not play well in any majors last year but I have a good feeling about what is to come for this young lad.

Henrik Stenson-  No he is not a player that is any means under the radar, but honestly I never heard a lot of talk about him.  Even though he was the first player ever to win the European tour’s race to dubai and also the Fedex cup in the same year.  Yes I know Luke Donald had a year like that and then proceeded to play like absolute poop the next year.  But this guy is different, he has the confidence and the skill to win many tournaments next year. I will even go as far as saying he will win a major no doubt.


-The Black Pearl




The city of San Francisco teamed up with over 11,000 Make-A-Wish volunteers to make a 5-year-old’s superhero dreams come true. Miles aka Batman, a 5-year-old whose leukemia is currently in remission, is spending all of Friday dressed as Batman fighting crimes in his own personal “Gotham City.”

Awesome. Just awesome, no other words to really describe this. Kudos to the City of San Francisco and to all of those involved to make this kids dream come true.

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Even heroes need to eat! It's lunchtime for #SFBatKid.

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#SFBatKid saves the day!

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#SFBatKid is on his way to save the day!

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Since ESPN hasn’t even talked about hockey all this morning (when do they ever), I have taken it upon myself to step up to the plate. A true American hero if you will.

Anyhow, how badass is Kari Lehtonen here? This is like some King Tutankhamun shit. This is the modern day equivalent of when you used to play goalie in soccer way back in the day and the ball never made it passed half to you and you would just sit criss-cross applesauce style in the net and pick daisies and cloverleafs like a boss. Essentially the same thing, expect here Kari is making 7 figures to do it. Tomato, tomahto really.


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Hey MJ. Watch the damn elbow would you. Just because you are the greatest basketball player to ever play the game, doesn’t mean you can simply go out there all willy nilly and be leaning ‘bows all over the table like that. Totally unprofessional.

That out of the way, there are only a couple of things I hate when idiots play pong, elbows for guys is numero uno!

1) Guys elbows over the table. Girls never hit more than two shots a game, so not to worried about them.

2) People who call it beirut. Get out of my face with that. It’s called Beer Pong.

3) People who don’t play with actual beer in their cups. This has been an ever so increasing event, playing with actual booze in the cups is what makes the game fun, makes it inciting. When you sink a cup or get balls back and no one takes a drink it’s the most demoralizing thing ever. So respect to MJ in that department.

That’s it, you follow those simple rules and we will get along just fine.

And for the record, I’m an all lob guy, the LBJ of pong. I never bounce, I don’t want to rely on my opponents incompetence to win games, I need the ball in my court not theirs.


bacon(CNN) — A painting by artist Francis Bacon sold for $142,405,000 on Tuesday, breaking the record as the most expensive piece of art ever auctioned, according to a statement from the auction house.

“Three Studies of Lucian Freud” was sold after six minutes of bidding in the room and on the phone at Christie’s in New York City, according to spokeswoman Elizabeth Van Bergen.

Painted in 1969, it is known as one of Bacon’s most iconic works, as it features Lucian Freud at the apex of his relationship with Bacon, according to the auction house’s statement.

$142 million dollar for this thing?! No way! No way! How in the world is this even remotely close to 142 million dollars, it’s not. So this Bacon fella takes some PCP or LSD or whatever the hot drug on the streets in the late 60’s was and paints a horse man in a trifecta and adds some lines and boom 142 million? For sure not.

I just can’t wrap my head around these crazy art lunatics. Like who decides that this specific painting is worth so much money? Why this one over say my spin art from 10 years ago? I’m not saying I’m an artist, but I can for sure paint something more unique than this horseman chair painting.

In fact look at this awesome water painting color I did not even a year ago;


How beautiful and downright charming is this landscape masterpiece of mine? High in emotion with the dark rolling clouds coming in hot. One lone pin tree amongst the other seasonal dying trees symbolizes the strength and fortitude and resilience of human life (I just made that up). My reflection painting game is so on point, check. The barn shadows? A+. Just utilizing anything and everything I learned from the forced art classes I had to take in elementary school.

So you going to tell me right to my face that this work of art isn’t worth more than 142 million? That’s just blasphemous a utter insult to my human existence.



Boom! Straight cuckold city from this fan. Might be the GOAT when it comes to fan. Just a stone cold face. Gotta keep your head on a swivel if you are gonna get romrodded into the stands at the United Center. It’s like being throwing into a pack of hyenas.

P.S. Only a girl would dump their expensive 12oz beer on a player.