Tag Archive: College football

bball1 bball2 bball3Who the fuck is Champion Baptist College and why are they allowed to play basketball? I did some quick research and by research I mean I quickly Googled “Champion Baptist College wiki” and no joke their Wikipedia page was created today (December 31st, 2013) and apparently the “college” only has 250 students? My high school had more kids than that for crying out loud. Is there a Division 33 in the NCAA? Because I’m 100% sure Campion here should be in that division.

Realtalk here for a moment. A majority of us here have rode pine in high school/college athletics, been there done that, but give me a break with this here. No way would I want to play for a team that loses by an average of 73 points each game (Yes I did the math). Fuck that noise. I would rather sit in the library all day than play for this team. Mind boggling that they even have team to begin with.



badpuntHey #82, once you pull your head out of the field and dust the cobwebs from your brain, from that concussion come talk to me about how to run. I’m not an expert in running, but I know full well the golden rule is to not face plant your dome piece into the 50 yard line. If you can’t get the fundamentals down, then step aside and let your boy Gonzo take the helm.

Oh and can we stop with the absurd names for all of these bowls? Yeah I understand it’s about the money in the naming rights, but is it possible to limit it to one word companies? Like the Ford Bowl? Or the Verizon Bowl? The “Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl” can go fuck itself. If I can’t say it 3 times fast, it shouldn’t exist.


I legitimately don’t comprehend football in the South, it’s like they are in their own little world down there. Live and die by college football, just wacky wacky folks down there I tell you. Like anywheres south of the Mason Dixon line and East of the Mississippi River and you are in prime wacky football territory. I just can not wrap my head around it.

In any case, that aside, this prank sucked all around. Any prank that takes nearly one week to set up and execute is way out of bounds. Pranks need to be simple, yet sophisticated, something that requires little effort to be put into it, but with a large return on your investment. Something this prank, clearly didn’t do, this was a snooze fest really.

You want to know what a great prank would have been? It would have been going out and getting giant ‘cock, like a turkey or large rooster or some shit and dressing it up in a Gamecock jersey and then let it live and roam around the guys bedroom for the whole week. Boom A+ prank. But then PETA would have lost their shit and would have filed a lawsuit claiming the turkey suffered emotional distress. Thanks a lot PETA.


Here we go again, the ubiquitous (word of the day BTW) Facebook map of America’s favorite sports teams. This time we have College Football naturally:

ku-bigpic1) Florida dominates the state of Florida and the entire North East (New England), not surprised considering the entire state of Florida is New England snowbirdies and football in the North East is about as popular has hockey is in the dirty south.

2) Texas runs the central plains. Purely hypothetical here, but if Texas actually seceded from the US, I’m 100% sure New Mexico, Missouri, Colorado and North Dakota would join them as well considering their Longhorn allegiance.  What a country that would be.

3) Montana is the most bizarre state out of this whole map. For starters, half the state for sure doesn’t have internet or cable for that matter and that counties that do, are just fans of the teams that are grab(able) on their TV bunny ears. That’s the only logical explanation to their sporadicalness.

4) Poor Alaska, they must feel so left out of all these Facebook statistics. State is pretty much in Russia, where there are more Polar Bears and shit than humans and they constantly have to join the bandwagon of the nearest team. Not the best way to go through life that is for sure, but whatever floats their canoe.

5) Hawaii likes Hawaii, no chance in lava that they like Oregon. I know that, you know that, Zuckerberg clearly doesn’t know that.

6) Finally, first person to find for me and point out where Oregon State is on this map, they are internet geniuses.


So last night marked the long awaited return of college football, with a couple of marquee match ups in PrimeTime. First we had USC (The Cocks) vs. UNC (Tar Heels) and Ole Miss vs. Vandy. Both were great games, especially the Ole Miss/Vandy one, classic really.

In any case, in case you missed one or both of them, here is a recap, Benchwarmer style:

Ole Miss vs. Vandy:

Jordan Matthews may be the fast man alive:

Ole Miss’ Jeff Scott ends the night and seals the W, with an ultimate dagger into the hearts of Vandy’s faithful:

Screen-Shot-2013-08-30-at-8.29.53-AMWe have this bro, who literally gave me nightmares last night. Legitimate nightmares:


UNC vs. The Cocks:

Jadeveon Clowney nearly had his ACL taken out with a rather ‘accidental’ cheap shot:



We also learned no one in Carolina can correctly spell said “Carolina”:

Screen-Shot-2013-08-30-at-10.00.57-AMAlso I have serious qualms about this kid saying he ways 150. Must have taken the weight with full pads. Not to toot my own horn here, but I have more muscle mass than this kid…and that’s saying a lot.

Ohh and lets just ignore this, yes?