Tag Archive: Florida


What’s up ya mutts?! Been a while, I know. Blame Obama. But really blame college finals for the lack of awesome writing from myself, EPG and the Black Pearl.

Anyways, back on the blog grind, spitting out fire flame blogs.

We start off with Steve Spurrier getting his gym game on with your ever so casual exercise ball ‘Hump Thrusts’. Yes, you read that right, take a look at this form:

Spurrier Gym

 

No wonder why my abs are non-existent, I have been completely ignoring the hump thrust rotations in my gym routine. Such an idiot move on my part. When you want to look the best, you have to be the best and the only way to go about that, is with the hump thrust. Just completely reinventing the core workout and that’s something you have to respect.

P.S. Somewhere in there, there is a way to make a joke about the South Carolina Gamecocks, I’m just not smart enough to wrap my head around it.

-Gonzo

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Here we go again, the ubiquitous (word of the day BTW) Facebook map of America’s favorite sports teams. This time we have College Football naturally:

ku-bigpic1) Florida dominates the state of Florida and the entire North East (New England), not surprised considering the entire state of Florida is New England snowbirdies and football in the North East is about as popular has hockey is in the dirty south.

2) Texas runs the central plains. Purely hypothetical here, but if Texas actually seceded from the US, I’m 100% sure New Mexico, Missouri, Colorado and North Dakota would join them as well considering their Longhorn allegiance.  What a country that would be.

3) Montana is the most bizarre state out of this whole map. For starters, half the state for sure doesn’t have internet or cable for that matter and that counties that do, are just fans of the teams that are grab(able) on their TV bunny ears. That’s the only logical explanation to their sporadicalness.

4) Poor Alaska, they must feel so left out of all these Facebook statistics. State is pretty much in Russia, where there are more Polar Bears and shit than humans and they constantly have to join the bandwagon of the nearest team. Not the best way to go through life that is for sure, but whatever floats their canoe.

5) Hawaii likes Hawaii, no chance in lava that they like Oregon. I know that, you know that, Zuckerberg clearly doesn’t know that.

6) Finally, first person to find for me and point out where Oregon State is on this map, they are internet geniuses.

-Gonzo

TMZ – Chad Johnson was just arrested and placed in handcuffs inside a Florida courtroom … after the judge in his probation violation hearing ordered the ex-NFL star to spend 30 days in jail.  The move comes after Johnson pissed off the Broward County judge by slapping his male lawyer’s butt during the hearing.  As we previously reported, Johnson’s attorney was thiiiis close to sealing a deal that would have kept Johnson OUT of jail for violating his probation earlier this year.

But the butt slap enraged the judge … and she took the deal off the table.  Now, Johnson’s punishment is much harsher than what was originally proposed — and he has been ordered to spend 30 days in jail.  His probation was also extended until December 21, 2013 … and he must complete an additional 25 hours of community service along with extra therapy sessions.

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Gotta love Ochocinco here, sure he may just be a dried up old NFL football player now, but even when he is not playing on the gridiron, he’s still brining the heat. It’s these types of antics, that made him the football player he was, it was things like this that made him so popular to the general public throughout all of these years. But how bad of a buzzkill must it be for Ochocinco here? One minute you are a free man, the next minute after your victory slap, you are sentenced to 30 days in jail brutal. Also, the deputy or court bailiffs reaction was priceless. Kind of made that GIF.

-Gonzo

PS-  Chad Johnson:  30 days in jail for slapping a butt.  Josh Brent:  walking around kicking it after killing his friend while drunk driving then failing a drug test on probation.   Just throwing that out there.

The news has been running rampant with this whole feel good news story this past weekend. Supposedly, Bernando LaPallo here, a lifetime New York Yankees fan, is claiming to be 111 years old.

New York Daily News

New York Daily News

I called bullshit, from the instant I saw this. There is not a chance in Hell that he is 111. In fact, in my honest blogger opinion, he is not a day older than 83. Like who is he trying to kid here, seriously? My grandfather, who is only 85, looks more frail and decrepit than Mr. LaPallo here. I know age is different, blah, blah blah, genes, blah blah blah and all this other scientific bullshit. Listen, I am not age expert, I will admit that, but I can guarantee that he is not 111 years old. 100% positive.

Today, we got more info on Bernando LaPallo and we now have some conflicting information regarding his true age. Yup, you heard right:

The Arizona resident has no way to prove his age and a consultant with Guiness World Records tells the Associated Press that verified age claim records show LaPollo was born in 1910, not 1901. That would make him 102 or 103.

So there you have it! It’s a damn hoax. Sure it’s only a 9 years difference, but 9 years when you are already knocking on Heaven’s door, is a huge difference. I see you Bernando, I see you. You can’t lie, when Gonzo the Watchdog is around.

Apparently, he claims to have met Babe Ruth, before the legend’s major league debut and that he attended Yankees games when they were known as the Highlanders and played at Hilltop Park.

^^Probably also a lie, with a little Wikipedia research, I could have made a statement like that.

Mr. LaPallo also said this about the age allegations:

LaPallo told the AP on Sunday that many people doubt him because he’s in such good condition.

“It is hard to believe,” he said by telephone. “And because I can pass for 65 or 70, people say it’s impossible.”

LaPallo’s granddaughter said his birthdate was incorrectly written down as 1910 instead of 1901 at a Social Security office in Florida during the mid-1930s. Ekayani Chamberlin, who runs a fitness Web site with her grandfather and promotes his lectures on aging, says the family doesn’t have an official record of his birth in Brazil.

Leave it up to Florida, to fuck up the birth certificate. I hate my state. So incompetent when it matters the most.

You know what! I figured it out! This is not Bernando LaPallo, nope it’s not. This is actually Al Roker. Or Al Roker’s dad. Only solution that makes a lick if sense. Mystery Solved!

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Bernando LaPallo aka Al Roker

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Al Roker aka Bernando LaPallo

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am having some issues with the actual name of Bernando LaPallo too, specifically his last name. Yahoo news had it at “LaPollo”, which is straight batshit crazy, because The Chicken, makes zero sense for a last name. So I think I am right with “LaPallo”, plus other more credible news agencies back my claim.

-Gonzo

Worst First Pitches Ever

Some backstory here; so I literally had this blog in the making for weeks, just scouring the inter webs for videos of the worst of the worst first pitches in baseball history. To make a long story, short; today, I was surfing Buzzfeed while in my 3 hour Environmental Ethics (ethics and this blog, ohh the irony) class and what do I see? A freakin’ blog of the “The 17 Least Accurate Ceremonial First Pitches in Baseball History“, it was like a stab in back, my stomach dropped, as did my jaw. It’s like they reached into my head and pulled out my brilliant idea and I’m going to stop short of calling it stealing, but that’s essentially what it is at this point. So in return, I am going to ‘borrow’ their GIF’s to make my own list, like I had originally planned.

P.S. I don’t like doing a lot of GIF’s, because I now they slow the hell out of your computer and take a while to load, but I have no other choice. The MLB social media Gestapo, are cold blooded killers and it’s impossible to find good MLB videos on YouTube or anywhere else for that matter and be able to post them onto your own site.

Anywho, enough with my rambling and on with the list: ¡Ándele! ¡Ándele! ¡Arriba! ¡Arriba! ¡Epa! ¡Epa! ¡Epa! Yeehaw!

14.5) Adam take 2–This second throw is better than others that will be listed below, but couldn’t separate it, had to keep these two together. But, progress, I like it Adam. I do not even care if it was high, I’ll take this over a bounce everyday of the week.

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14) Adam Corolla–Honestly, not a bad throw. His setup, his windup, his follow through all straight A’s. He threw an absolute heater, but he bounced it, just ruined it all.  Not has good as his second throw though, I think we can agree on that. And again, men should not bounce the ball to the plate, just shouldn’t happen.

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13) Karen Peterson–A school teacher I guess? At first, I thought this was a little kid, like a 4th grader that was wearing a wig. Didn’t realize it was some 40+ year old (being very liberal with the age here). The throw is abysmal, but the reaction is what makes this so great or bad, depends on how you look at it.

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12) Charlie Christ (former Florida Governor)–It kind of looked like he was knuckle balling it a little bit, I am pretty sure that’s why it butter-fngered off his hands, I could be wrong though. I just created you a nice excuse Charlie, you’re welcome.

On another note, I was surprised to see so much people at a Rays game, astonishing.

11)  Gary “Baba Booey” Dell’Abate — Yea he didn’t make it to the catcher, but at least it was in the air the whole way and he didn’t bounce it to home plate, can’t knock him for that. And to his credit, he had that asshole running in on his left and into his peripheral vision which totally messed up his timing of release, no doubt about that one.

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10) Jessica Jung–I have zero idea who this is, even when I internet stalked her. Just zero clue. Probably just your everyday Joe like you and I. But that is no excuse for that pathetic throw. I am pretty sure the ball bounced back up after it hit the ground farther than she actually threw it. That’s never a good thing.

Also, what’s up with the batter standing in the box? That’s not kosher, possibly why she was intimidated. Understandable.

Oh and this is probably a top 5 worst throw, but because I have no idea who she is, she free falls in the rankings.

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9) Joan Steinbrenner–I feel kind of bad for putting little ol’ Joan in at the 9 seed, especially with that last name. But the blog has no sympathy for anybody, Joan is no exception. To be honest, it’s a terrible throw. Not only is she 15′ from home plate, but she also bounces it and musters up a MPH of -5.

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8) John Wall–Another pro athlete, albeit for the Washington Wizards if that still counts. His wind up was an A-, but from there, it turns into a solid D+. Listen, all guys must be able to get the ball to the catcher. This whole bouncing concept is ludicrous. Clean it up John.

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7) Mariah Carey–There may be some controversy on this one, understandable, but I have been giving females a slight curve on their ‘first pitch grades’, because they are after all, woman. The phrase “you throw like a girl” didn’t just come out of the blue one day. It’s reasons like this, that caused it to be created. Anyways, her looks give her a boost to #7, plus it’s Asian baseball, just a whole different grading criteria.

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6) Denard Robinson–A Michigan man, college athlete, things like this shouldn’t happen if you are an athlete it’s simple as that. His aim was dead on, but one-hopping it to the plate is not a good look.

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5) Shawn Johnson–Our first appearance from a former Olympian (1/2) and highest female on this glorious list. Could have been worse, but certainly not good. However, the wind appears to be howling pretty good out there, judging by the flags. I’m assuming that’s what made her throw break left.

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4) Cincinnati mayor Mark Mallory–Wasn’t even close, ball never had a chance. Perhaps it’s because, he didn’t have a real catcher? Or the entourage of paparazzi just blinding him on the windup. We may never know, just a poor showing all around and it’s why it lands him in the 4 spot.

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3) John Bledsoe–Probably has no connection with Drew Bledsoe, but that last name, a pitch like this is totally uncalled for. And yes, the summersault thingy was forced, but it sums up the throw nicely.

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2) The Kardashians (Kris, Khloe, Kourtney, Kim)–Listen, if Carl Lewis wasn’t an ex-Olympian, the Krapdashians, would be a mortal lock for #1. They shouldn’t even be out there, let alone all 4 of them pitching at once.

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1) Carl Lewis–Bro, you’re a damn Olympian. Ball didn’t even fly 10 ft, put some backbone into that puppy and give her a ride, you are embarrassing the US with this flop of a throw.

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-Gonzo