Tag Archive: Gonzo


ST. ALBANS, Vt. –

A Vermont man is due in court Monday afternoon after leading St Albans police on a chase with one of their own cruisers.

Police say it all started when they tried to stop Rodger Patenaude as he was walking down North Elm Street Sunday night.

“Officers were attempting to arrest a subject wanted on a warrant, he is well known to the officers. There was a foot pursuit and he was just ahead of the officer and he managed to jump into the cruiser. As the officer jumped over the snow bank to try to stop him, he actually struck the officer with the car, as he fled away,” said St. Albans Police Chief Gary Taylor.

The officer was not badly hurt. Other officers gave chase, but it didn’t last long. Police say Patenaude crashed the stolen cruiser into a telephone pole on Route 104. He’s expected to face multiple charges Monday.

police

Well isn’t this some GTA V type shit. Ordinarily, I don’t support criminals, but you gotta respect the hustle from this guy. Honestly, if my life was in the shitter and I was high on drugs, I’d want to joy rode in a cop car too, you just simpler can’t know on that type of hustle and dedication. Only problem your boy Patenaude had here was usually when you’re cracked out enough to steal a cop car, you’re most likely cracked out enough to not see a giant pole on the side of the road.

And  while we are on the topic of GTA, I’m impressed he was able to steal the cop car so easily. I can barely do it clean on GTA V without getting 4 stars. I always have to do in a shooting blaze of glory. Just sucks for this guy to not even reach two stars….what a pussy.

-Gonzo

Introducing Kaylyn Kyle, America discovered her in this most recent woman’s World Cup in the US vs. Canada epic game. But now she gets her Benchwarmers Sports debut…enjoy:

kaylyn_kyle_kyle_kaylyn3_8bNvimk.sizedimages kaylyn-kyle-hot-football-playerKaylyn-Kyle-TwitterkaylmKaylyn-Kyle-Instagram4

 

-Gonzo

 

duf2 duf3 duff1“Generally speaking, I don’t do much hiking” might be the quote of the century, just a classic Dufner line. Guy is just a living legend. Out kicked his coverage by a solid mile in a half, but who gives a shit when you’re a PGA player, I certainly don’t. Dufner is just playing the game. Girl wants to go for a scenic  nature walk? Then you bring her on said nature walk and reap the rewards later that night, while he his packing a massive dip and going to town on his smokestack of a wife.

P.S. Sneaky favorite quote of this video, is when his wife says “ohhh look at that tree” and Dufner promptly replies with “Yup”.

-Gonzo

Okay so this video was breaking the inter webs this past week, America in a uproar that Rodman was singing Happy Birthday to little baby face Kimmy Jong. Personally, it doesn’t bother me, but I will say watching this was awkward as fuck. I felt like at any moment, Baby Face was gonna sic his little minions on me for not clapping or something along those lines.

That aside, there were a couple of highlights, a couple of North Korea Top 4 plays if you will:

4) Their arena or auditorium or whatever they call it, is kinda of awesome and cool looking. Aside from the fact that it reeks of dictatorship, communism and rigorously ordered, it’s pretty cool.

Screen Shot 2014-01-09 at 4.01.57 PM

3) I love all of the American just clapping along cue with everyone else. Like you know damn well they don’t want to clap for Baby Face, but you also know that they are thinking; “if I don’t clap, I’m being sent out to the dogs.” Screen Shot 2014-01-09 at 4.02.45 PM

2) Rodman having both first and last name on his jersey his such a power move. Just fighting for that #1 spot on the power move rankings with Kimmy Jong-Un, however, Baby Face wins in a landslide.Screen Shot 2014-01-09 at 4.03.23 PM

1)Kim1.001And several people from this crowd were without a doubt brought out back at the end of the game and executed, mainly;

#1: For simply being to fat and not up to snuff on the dress code. Hey bro, didn’t you know North Korea is in poverty and malnourish up to their eyeballs? You can’t be seen looking like the Asian Pillsbury doughboy in public like that. Now the American’s might not send food to your dear leader.

#2: He was probably executed simply for picking his nose during Baby Faces birthday song. How dare you pick your nose during that song.

#3a/b: Not sure if these two were actually executed, but if we learned one thing, that’s turtlenecks are still in style in North Korea. Buncha turtleneck savages over there in NK.

-Gonzo

UH band

Trumpet game, so hot right now, trumpet game. Welp, my almost Alma Mater is looking good. I guess you can’t blame such tenacity when you get to travel to bowl games for free. Trumpet game doesn’t stop for no one, just ask this UH chick.

-Gonzo

bball1 bball2 bball3Who the fuck is Champion Baptist College and why are they allowed to play basketball? I did some quick research and by research I mean I quickly Googled “Champion Baptist College wiki” and no joke their Wikipedia page was created today (December 31st, 2013) and apparently the “college” only has 250 students? My high school had more kids than that for crying out loud. Is there a Division 33 in the NCAA? Because I’m 100% sure Campion here should be in that division.

Realtalk here for a moment. A majority of us here have rode pine in high school/college athletics, been there done that, but give me a break with this here. No way would I want to play for a team that loses by an average of 73 points each game (Yes I did the math). Fuck that noise. I would rather sit in the library all day than play for this team. Mind boggling that they even have team to begin with.

-Gonzo

badpuntHey #82, once you pull your head out of the field and dust the cobwebs from your brain, from that concussion come talk to me about how to run. I’m not an expert in running, but I know full well the golden rule is to not face plant your dome piece into the 50 yard line. If you can’t get the fundamentals down, then step aside and let your boy Gonzo take the helm.

Oh and can we stop with the absurd names for all of these bowls? Yeah I understand it’s about the money in the naming rights, but is it possible to limit it to one word companies? Like the Ford Bowl? Or the Verizon Bowl? The “Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl” can go fuck itself. If I can’t say it 3 times fast, it shouldn’t exist.

-Gonzo

maskWhat the actual fuck!?! I don’t even know what is going on here. Like is this supposed to be a face mask? Or some weird jaw supporting wrap? Is it made out of tin foil? So many questions, so little answers. To be honest, the only thing that it resembles in my messed up head, is some kinky BDSM torture contraption.

Actually it reminded me of this Ghostbusters scene:
ghostbusters-rick-moranis_l1

-Gonzo

Czech RefHey ref! Gotta keep that head on a swivel, look alive out there bro. I’m no referee, but I’m 100% sure the first and second rule, in the rule book of refs is to; 1) Keep head on swivel and 2) Don’t attempt to stop a fight from starting. If you fail to abide by those simple rules, you will always be truck sticked. That’s just science. Survival of the fittest if you will.

-Gonzo

DET hockey no lightsThis is so Detroit that it hurts. Yeah sure they probably ‘staged’  this for HBO’s 24/7, but let’s be honest here for a minute. We all know full well that this is a everyday occurrence for not only the Red Wings, but the whole damn City of Detroit. Hey Detroit, didn’t you know this is America, and in America we are not supposed to look like some 3rd world country who can’t even afford to keep the lights on for a little hockey practice. Figure it out Detroit. You are not just hurting yourselves, but you are hurting America here.

-Gonzo