Tag Archive: Miami


Browns FanDepression city, population 390,928, aka the entire population of Cleveland. Like Jimmy Crickets, I can’t even think of a entire city that is in a perpetual state of depression like Cleveland is. Ya, Detroit still remains a strong #1 seed, but not gonna lie, Cleveland is a close 2nd.

It has come to the point where I think I would rather live in Detroit than have to live in Cleveland. At least Detroit at 4 teams for me to get depressed too, whereas Cleveland only has the hot mess that is the Browns, and the Cavaliers, who haven’t been relevant since LBJ took his talents to Miami.

And while we are on the subject, I respect the hell out of this guy. That’s some serious dedication. 15 years!? 15 fucking years of Browns depression? Guy deserves a Purple Heart for his valor. I would have already offed myself if that was me.

-Gonzo

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Hey MJ. Watch the damn elbow would you. Just because you are the greatest basketball player to ever play the game, doesn’t mean you can simply go out there all willy nilly and be leaning ‘bows all over the table like that. Totally unprofessional.

That out of the way, there are only a couple of things I hate when idiots play pong, elbows for guys is numero uno!

1) Guys elbows over the table. Girls never hit more than two shots a game, so not to worried about them.

2) People who call it beirut. Get out of my face with that. It’s called Beer Pong.

3) People who don’t play with actual beer in their cups. This has been an ever so increasing event, playing with actual booze in the cups is what makes the game fun, makes it inciting. When you sink a cup or get balls back and no one takes a drink it’s the most demoralizing thing ever. So respect to MJ in that department.

That’s it, you follow those simple rules and we will get along just fine.

And for the record, I’m an all lob guy, the LBJ of pong. I never bounce, I don’t want to rely on my opponents incompetence to win games, I need the ball in my court not theirs.

-Gonzo

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I really didn’t want to post this, simply because I’m an undergraduate at USF. And to be honest,  our football team is incomprehensibly pathetic. To be fair, this punt sums up our season beautifully and to a tee.

I honestly think I need to go ask our coach for an open tryout. Not being cocky, but I can punt a football 50 yards. That alone has to be good enough for backup punter right?

-Gonzo

Copyright 2013 Team Marketing Report // www.teammarketingreport.com

Copyright 2013 Team Marketing Report // http://www.teammarketingreport.com

Okay, so really this infographic means nothing to you and me, because we all know stadium beers are still ~$12-15 dollars in normal America for a 24oz. man can. Which to put it blunt, is complete horse shit, but that’s a different subject for a different day.

Now for my analysis of this Beer-O-Gram:

Boston being the heavyweight at the top is absolutely no surprise. Massholes, err umm I mean Massachusite’s are some of the most pompous and arrogant fans/humans in the world, so no surprise whatsoever that their beer is the most expensive. They probably only sell Sam Adams and make you pay cash too.

St. Louis is a bit of a surprise at the number 2 hole, in large part because one of the largest, if not the largest American breweries (Budweiser) is based out of St. Louis, so naturally I would have expected them to be in the lower tier of this chart. Color me surprised. Or that could be the result of the Monopoly that probably exists there.

Miami, honestly surprised to see how high on the chart they are. I would have expected them to be bottom 3. It’s a miracle that any fans show up as it is, now they have average beer prices? Holy Moly, cut the fans down there some slack will you? Only resolution to the whole Miami debacle, is free beer. No brainer. Marketing 101

Los Angeles (Angels), no idea whatsoever how they are at the very bottom of the beer chart. Makes zero sense and just hurts my brain thinking about it. But circa 6 buckaroonies for a 24oz beer is mind boggling. I would say I would totally live in LA for those prices, but who am I kidding, I would never live in LA.

-Gonzo

If you haven’t heard of this story, I wouldn’t be surprised, most people don’t know or care that the U.S Women’s Open is going on right now.  I actually don’t blame you, normally I wouldn’t even look at any stories coming out this tournament or even the sport.

But this one is special, first here are some highlights from the match that I know you missed.

http://espn.go.com/video/clip?id=espn:9607198

So honestly what this girl has been through to get to this point is unreal.  Her father, Jean-Maurice, was injured in the 2010 earthquake in Haiti as he stayed behind to help run a medical clinic, while Victoria trained and played tennis in the States. After being buried alive for hours, he was able to be pulled out of the rubble, but not without injuries that reportedly included a punctured lung. But a family friend via tennis, real estate developer Harry Kitchen, chartered a private plane to bring Victoria’s father back to the U.S. for treatment.

That is not all either. Although Victoria was born in Miami, her parents are both from Haiti. And she might have continued to grow up there as well if not for a violent robbery that turned into a hostage situation. Victoria was with her aunt and cousins at their house when it happened.

“She was held at gunpoint,” Nadine (Victoria’s Mother) said. “It was so scary.”

Nadine rushed to the house and the SWAT team was already there. They heard the officers talking about an operation, which in French is the same word for surgery, and were terrified Victoria or another family member had been injured.

I mean to survive all that is amazing by its self, but then to come though with an upset like this, you could say she has all ready lived a pretty full life at the age of 17.

Also the part that I love is how innocent she is with her high squeaky voice, her and answers to the question in her post round interview, and how excited she got that Lil Wayne tweeted at her.

So here is your feel good story for the week, cry if you want too because you better bet your sweet ass I did.

-The Black Pearl

Miami Heat “Fans”

The social media world is abuzz about how the Heat’s “fans”, using the word “fans” as liberally as possibly, left early, in last nights Spurs/Heat game thinking it was over, when the Heat were down by 2.

If we are being truly honest here, which I am, the Miami Heat have THE worse fan base in all of sports. I beg you to find a team, whose fan base even competes with the Heat’s, you can’t. If you look in the dictionary, at Bandwagoner; Heat fans is the definition. Despicable.

And then they wanted to be let back in, once the game was tied and going into OT, after Ray Allen’s deep 3 to tie it

https://twitter.com/VictorOquendo/statuses/347200364774313984

Heat Fans, so hot right now, Heat Fans

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-Gonzo

 

 

 

 

 

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ht_Pier_ac_130613_wg_originalNot the first time something in Miami has collapsed, *cough* Heat *cough*. Zaaa-zing! Now that was too easy, to the point where it’s not even funny, but funny in a satirical way, if that makes sense.

But all jokes aside, this is some pretty serious stuff. Approximately 100 people were on Miami sports bar Shuckers’s deck when it collapsed into Biscayne Bay during the first half of Game 4 of the NBA Finals Thursday night. The latest numbers list the injured at 33, 24 of whom were taken to area hospitals. Two patients were listed in serious condition.

Chris Volz, 39, said he was sitting at the western end of the bar, about 10 feet from where the deck gave way. “Everybody’s watching the game. It sounded like a freight train, then everyone was gone. The deck went down like a V.” He said it happened in a split second and that no one had a chance to get away.

He said bartenders were diving into the water to help rescue the patrons. Fire trucks pulled to the water’s edge and extended their ladders over the water to help the patrons climb to safety.

-Gonzo

P.S. Good thing the rescue divers came in, that water is wicked deep. How deep is that? 2 leagues you think, 3 tops? Good thing docks float…

I just tweeted out, that the only reason I am watching the Heat Spurs game is to pick on everything Chris Bosh does, he’s like a mini circus out there and quite frankly, I am entertained.

First Bosh tries to fly, with the lovely flop:

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Then, he attempts to dunk the ball, when the buzzer had already gone off, but totally thought it counted:

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One word; Bosh!

bosh

-Gonzo

Just some food for thought;

Maybe it has nothing to do with the fans at all. Perhaps, Jeffrey Loria (who owned both the Expos and now the Marlins) is the one to blame here? Expos for life. I have always been a fan of the Expos, in large part because I only live an hour away from them. Not to mention the Olympic Stadium in Montreal was awesome. So it sucks that the Expos are now being compared to the Marlins. Thanks Loria, now go take a lap or a couple thousand. Viva La Expos!

-Gonzo

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Love it! I’m not a Bulls fan, not even close, but I have to say Joakim Noah is super fun to watch. So electric, so passionate, just brings a new level of play to the game. I’m all for the physical play, but this type of stuff Noah is doing may be the most effective. Key to getting into your opponents head, is to literally super clap right next to their ear drum while they bicker at one another. Trolling 101.

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-Gonzo