Tag Archive: United States


badpuntHey #82, once you pull your head out of the field and dust the cobwebs from your brain, from that concussion come talk to me about how to run. I’m not an expert in running, but I know full well the golden rule is to not face plant your dome piece into the 50 yard line. If you can’t get the fundamentals down, then step aside and let your boy Gonzo take the helm.

Oh and can we stop with the absurd names for all of these bowls? Yeah I understand it’s about the money in the naming rights, but is it possible to limit it to one word companies? Like the Ford Bowl? Or the Verizon Bowl? The “Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl” can go fuck itself. If I can’t say it 3 times fast, it shouldn’t exist.

-Gonzo

DET hockey no lightsThis is so Detroit that it hurts. Yeah sure they probably ‘staged’  this for HBO’s 24/7, but let’s be honest here for a minute. We all know full well that this is a everyday occurrence for not only the Red Wings, but the whole damn City of Detroit. Hey Detroit, didn’t you know this is America, and in America we are not supposed to look like some 3rd world country who can’t even afford to keep the lights on for a little hockey practice. Figure it out Detroit. You are not just hurting yourselves, but you are hurting America here.

-Gonzo

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Since ESPN hasn’t even talked about hockey all this morning (when do they ever), I have taken it upon myself to step up to the plate. A true American hero if you will.

Anyhow, how badass is Kari Lehtonen here? This is like some King Tutankhamun shit. This is the modern day equivalent of when you used to play goalie in soccer way back in the day and the ball never made it passed half to you and you would just sit criss-cross applesauce style in the net and pick daisies and cloverleafs like a boss. Essentially the same thing, expect here Kari is making 7 figures to do it. Tomato, tomahto really.

-Gonzo

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Hey USA hockey team, just a general FYI but we where in the middle of a godamn Cold War you simply can’t be going out there and getting crushed by Sweden 17-2 when the commies of the USSR are creating a dynasty on the ice, right in front of our faces. Simply can’t let that happen. Where was Herb Brooks when you needed him?

“Christ, who are we sending over there, girls?” <—-This is the greatest line I have ever heard. Kennedy, such boss

Side note, I just realized we used to talk  fucking weird back in the day. So upper echelon if you will. So formal. America has gone downhill in the talking department ever since, yo…

Also, no idea when this was recorded, but I find it incredible eerie that JFK died not too long after this.

-Gonzo

Screen-Shot-2013-10-3a0-at-9.15.06-AM-480x299 Screen-Shot-2013-10-30-at-9.14.55-AM-480x300 Screen-Shot-2013-10-30-at-9.22.33-AM-480x342Ohhh Dufner! Man is in a perpetual state of McKayla Maroney’s ‘Not Impressed’ face. Whether he is on team USA and just won the Presidents Cup or he is celebrating in China with some crazy ass ancient Chinamen. There is 3 things in life and only 3 things in life that Dufner gives two shits about 1) Golf  2) Titties  3) Beer. That’s called the DufnerTrifecta.

-Gonzo

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Jiminy Crickets! Didn’t see that one coming, didn’t see that coming one bit.

Aside from both sounding and looking like it was filmed in the 1960’s during the Cold War era, overall it was a pretty nice little donnybrook if you ask me.

Honestly didn’t even know girls got into fights in hockey games, bitter rivals or not. Like legitimate question here, do they all get 5 minute fighting majors or just kicked out of the game? What’s the penalty for hair pulling?

Also gota love that all of them had helmets and face shields on. Kinda defeats the purpose of fighting right? Basically a glorified wrestling match.

POV video:

-Gonzo

1394324_625502360829857_2036974689_nWhat a fucking shit show! Love it though, how can you not love this picture. Hall of Fame snapshot right here. Probably even Pulitzer Prize winning photograph actually.

First, you have both Tiger and Freddy who are clearly in that ‘happy’ phase right now. Not a care in the world. Tiger is probably thinking about pissing on stripers or some crazy shit ala R-Kelly style.

Dufner resembles the type of guy who enjoys just sitting in a corner somewhere, sipping his 6th whisky straight on the rocks and just laughing at the other guys who can’t handle their booze.

Keegan is being Keegan. Probably thinks that Cup is a ferret skin hat and is trying to channel is inner Vermonter.

And then we have Phil. Phil ol’ boy is 10000% in that stage where you are desperately trying to stop the room from spinning. Just holding on for dear life as he spins into abyss.

‘Merica

-Gonzo

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So a little birdie sent me a screen-grab of Sydney’s Instagram last night when I was studying my ass off in the library. Told him I would post it in the morning. Wake up this morning to find another blog already posted it, you snooze you lose I guess.

Regardless, since I didn’t post a WCW the other day, this should make up for it.

P.S. Couldn’t believe I wasn’t following either of these girls on the ‘Gram. Safe to say I fixed that quickly…

-Gonzo

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If this image of this creeper doesn’t give you the scaries; aka nightmares tonight, you are not a human being. Goodness gracious bro, for America clean up your shit, and what I mean by that, is next time stay in your mothers basement. Our kids are already loony toony as it is, they don’t need your help

-Gonzo

Listen, it takes a lot to impress me, this one play by this kid just single handily won me over. Beyond impressive. Love the hustle of this kid, coupled with the ability to not fumble the ball? I need this kid on my fantasy team pronto.

I can’t even fast walk with my eyes closed around my own house, without squirming in fear and anticipation of the wall I’m about to hit. So I can’t even fathom what it would be like to be running full speed, completely blind, knowing that your blockers in front of you suck and someone is about to clock your lights off.

-Gonzo