Angola Prison Rodeo

The Angola Prison Rodeo coming in hot. Looks like a helluva time doesn’t? Well for the spectators it does, not so much the convicts, but who the hell cares about them. Quite frankly, they don’t matter. Personally, I say these type of events should happen more often, have teams, build stadiums, get them on ESPN. Have different categories like; Anaconda Wrestling, Alligator Hunting, Avalanche Running, Shark Races, the list goes on and on. Would be top notch entertainment and you are out of your mind, if you don’t think I would buy season tickets to these events. The bigger question is, why am I just finding out about this? This has been going on since 1964 and I am just learning about it? Get your priorities straight America.

Now remember, these are the same criminals and convicts that breaks into your sailboat and masturbate on it, the same assholes that rob grannies purse, the pedophiles and rappers like you read about. The worse of the worse, so no empathy given.

Now there are 5 main events that I really care about, the 6 others are a snooze fest. They are as follows, in descending order.

Bust Out/Bull Riding-All six chutes open simultaneously, releasing six angry bulls, with temporarily attached inmates. The last man to remain on the bull wins the event. Example:

Bareback Riding – Convicts are expected to keep one hand in the air, and must stay on the horse for eight seconds to qualify. Example:

Wild Cow Milking – Teams of inmate cowboys chase the animals around the arena trying to extract a little milk. Examples:

Convict Poker – Four inmates sit at a table in the middle of the arena playing a game of poker. A bull is then released with the sole purpose of trucking the poker players. The last man remaining seated is the winner. Examples:

And last but certainly not least the main event, the Super Bowl of Prison Rodeo. What is the Masters to golf, is Guts and Glory to the Angola Prison Rodeo.

Guts & Glory – A $500 poker chip is tied to the bulls. The object here is to get close enough to the bull to snatch the chip. Examples:

Right Analog-Truck Sticked.

-Gonzo