Man Steals Police Car, Promptly Crashes into Telephone Pole

ST. ALBANS, Vt. –

A Vermont man is due in court Monday afternoon after leading St Albans police on a chase with one of their own cruisers.

Police say it all started when they tried to stop Rodger Patenaude as he was walking down North Elm Street Sunday night.

“Officers were attempting to arrest a subject wanted on a warrant, he is well known to the officers. There was a foot pursuit and he was just ahead of the officer and he managed to jump into the cruiser. As the officer jumped over the snow bank to try to stop him, he actually struck the officer with the car, as he fled away,” said St. Albans Police Chief Gary Taylor.

The officer was not badly hurt. Other officers gave chase, but it didn’t last long. Police say Patenaude crashed the stolen cruiser into a telephone pole on Route 104. He’s expected to face multiple charges Monday.

Well isn’t this some GTA V type shit. Ordinarily, I don’t support criminals, but you gotta respect the hustle from this guy. Honestly, if my life was in the shitter and I was high on drugs, I’d want to joy rode in a cop car too, you just simpler can’t know on that type of hustle and dedication. Only problem your boy Patenaude had here was usually when you’re cracked out enough to steal a cop car, you’re most likely cracked out enough to not see a giant pole on the side of the road.

And  while we are on the topic of GTA, I’m impressed he was able to steal the cop car so easily. I can barely do it clean on GTA V without getting 4 stars. I always have to do in a shooting blaze of glory. Just sucks for this guy to not even reach two stars….what a pussy.

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-Gonzo

Woman Crush Wednesday — Kaylyn Kyle (Soccer Player)

Introducing Kaylyn Kyle, America discovered her in this most recent woman’s World Cup in the US vs. Canada epic game. But now she gets her Benchwarmers Sports debut…enjoy:

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-Gonzo

 

Jason Dufner Getting Dragged On A Hike With His Wife

“Generally speaking, I don’t do much hiking” might be the quote of the century, just a classic Dufner line. Guy is just a living legend. Out kicked his coverage by a solid mile in a half, but who gives a shit when you’re a PGA player, I certainly don’t. Dufner is just playing the game. Girl wants to go for a scenic  nature walk? Then you bring her on said nature walk and reap the rewards later that night, while he his packing a massive dip and going to town on his smokestack of a wife.

P.S. Sneaky favorite quote of this video, is when his wife says “ohhh look at that tree” and Dufner promptly replies with “Yup”.

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-Gonzo

Pat McAfee May Actually Be The Broiest Punter of All Time

First things first, I kinda made up the word in the headline,  and no I’m not taking it back. Second things second (also made that saying up) this article is literally due to one of our intrepid readers bringing it to our attention. So yeah, we listen to your feedback.

Anywho, as most of you should have seen Pat McAfee (Colts Punter) got randomly drug tested after making a huge hit on the Bronco’s return man Trindon Holliday. You see, this isn’t the only time that Pat McAfee has made headlines (beeteedubs his twitter handle is @PatMcAfeeShow). Back in 2010 McAfee was arrested after taking a swim in a city canal…oh…and this was as the Colts were heading into a bye week…so yeah this dude literally does not care.

Looks like the kinda guy who would swim in a canal (TMZ…yeah TMZ)

When McAfee was arrested he reportedly told officers “I’m drunk” and couldn’t figure out why his shirt was wet, he guessed rain, the officers guessed the canal. Ya know what, the world needs more Pat McAfee’s out there, runnin around hammered and literally not giving a care in the world.

And he keeps on keepin on (via)

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-El Perro Grande

P.S. McAfee’s little foray into the canals has also left us with this little gem of a shirt:

Ohhhhh yeahhhhhh (Reddit)

The Anaheim Ducks Throwbacks The Other Night Were Hot Fire

 

And…I’m hard….

But seriously, these uni’s are so hot fire, it’s almost incomprehensible that these aren’t their full time uniforms.

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-Gonzo

OSU Superfan Lets It All Hang Out…Literally

Get a load of this guy. Bold move, but you gotta respect it. Ordinarily, I thought it was common practice for obese people to always leave their shirts on, including when they are in a pool or at the beach, but at some point you gotta ask yourself, “what’s the point of living, if I can’t take my shirt off ever?” YOLO right? This guy nailed it.

2 things though:

Love the backwards Nike logo, most likely did it in the mirror and simple forgot the whole everything is backwards trick. Rookie mistake.

Secondly, do you think he lifted up those mud flaps and painted underneath those puppies as well? Or just keep it all natural underneath there?

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-Gonzo

Friday Afternoon Metaphor

Whether you are sitting in your cube at the office, or sitting in your last class before the weekend we are all going through it right now. And that’s just going through the motions, not giving a fuck really.

And this USPS woman is giving zero fucks. Not even a beautifully manicured lawn will stop this woman’s tyranny. Just shutting it down like us prior to the weekend. If the government is shutting it down, you might as well shut it down early on a Friday too right? No reason not too.

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-Gonzo

Alex Morgan & Sydney Leroux At The Beach

 

So a little birdie sent me a screen-grab of Sydney’s Instagram last night when I was studying my ass off in the library. Told him I would post it in the morning. Wake up this morning to find another blog already posted it, you snooze you lose I guess.

Regardless, since I didn’t post a WCW the other day, this should make up for it.

P.S. Couldn’t believe I wasn’t following either of these girls on the ‘Gram. Safe to say I fixed that quickly…

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-Gonzo

Davis Love III Just Straight Up Chillin’ With A Squirrel

 

Love it! That’s what captains are there fore, when shit needs to be done, nothing should be able to break your concentration. Not even a rabid squirrel. Davis Love III just pulling the Moses of the golf world. That’s also what separates the US from the rest of the world. Fact

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-Gonzo

Tiger Woods Pulls The Old, ‘Fresh Prince of Bel Air’ High-Five

If you don’t like Tiger Woods, then GTFO. Tiger Woods is to golf, as H2O is to human existence. He’s the fucking man, case in point.

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-Gonzo