Champion Baptist College Basketball Loses 116-12

Who the fuck is Champion Baptist College and why are they allowed to play basketball? I did some quick research and by research I mean I quickly Googled “Champion Baptist College wiki” and no joke their Wikipedia page was created today (December 31st, 2013) and apparently the “college” only has 250 students? My high school had more kids than that for crying out loud. Is there a Division 33 in the NCAA? Because I’m 100% sure Campion here should be in that division.

Realtalk here for a moment. A majority of us here have rode pine in high school/college athletics, been there done that, but give me a break with this here. No way would I want to play for a team that loses by an average of 73 points each game (Yes I did the math). Fuck that noise. I would rather sit in the library all day than play for this team. Mind boggling that they even have team to begin with.

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-Gonzo

Georgia Tech’s Fake Punt Game Is On Point

Hey #82, once you pull your head out of the field and dust the cobwebs from your brain, from that concussion come talk to me about how to run. I’m not an expert in running, but I know full well the golden rule is to not face plant your dome piece into the 50 yard line. If you can’t get the fundamentals down, then step aside and let your boy Gonzo take the helm.

Oh and can we stop with the absurd names for all of these bowls? Yeah I understand it’s about the money in the naming rights, but is it possible to limit it to one word companies? Like the Ford Bowl? Or the Verizon Bowl? The “Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl” can go fuck itself. If I can’t say it 3 times fast, it shouldn’t exist.

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-Gonzo

Can Someone Check To See If This Cleveland Browns Fan Is Still Alive

Depression city, population 390,928, aka the entire population of Cleveland. Like Jimmy Crickets, I can’t even think of a entire city that is in a perpetual state of depression like Cleveland is. Ya, Detroit still remains a strong #1 seed, but not gonna lie, Cleveland is a close 2nd.

It has come to the point where I think I would rather live in Detroit than have to live in Cleveland. At least Detroit at 4 teams for me to get depressed too, whereas Cleveland only has the hot mess that is the Browns, and the Cavaliers, who haven’t been relevant since LBJ took his talents to Miami.

And while we are on the subject, I respect the hell out of this guy. That’s some serious dedication. 15 years!? 15 fucking years of Browns depression? Guy deserves a Purple Heart for his valor. I would have already offed myself if that was me.

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-Gonzo

Basketball Bro Completely Reinventing The Face Mask Game

What the actual fuck!?! I don’t even know what is going on here. Like is this supposed to be a face mask? Or some weird jaw supporting wrap? Is it made out of tin foil? So many questions, so little answers. To be honest, the only thing that it resembles in my messed up head, is some kinky BDSM torture contraption.

Actually it reminded me of this Ghostbusters scene:

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-Gonzo

Hockey Ref Gets Trucked By Player

Hey ref! Gotta keep that head on a swivel, look alive out there bro. I’m no referee, but I’m 100% sure the first and second rule, in the rule book of refs is to; 1) Keep head on swivel and 2) Don’t attempt to stop a fight from starting. If you fail to abide by those simple rules, you will always be truck sticked. That’s just science. Survival of the fittest if you will.

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-Gonzo

Detroit Red Wings Practice With No Lights On

This is so Detroit that it hurts. Yeah sure they probably ‘staged’  this for HBO’s 24/7, but let’s be honest here for a minute. We all know full well that this is a everyday occurrence for not only the Red Wings, but the whole damn City of Detroit. Hey Detroit, didn’t you know this is America, and in America we are not supposed to look like some 3rd world country who can’t even afford to keep the lights on for a little hockey practice. Figure it out Detroit. You are not just hurting yourselves, but you are hurting America here.

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-Gonzo

Jerry Jones Plays God

It’s Jerry’s world and we just live in it. Still not convinced that saying is true? Well take a look at this.  Tony Romo, Jerry’s super expensive quarterback suffered a back injury in the ever so important win against Washington (Video below, sorry for the quality, thanks Bleacher Report)

Romo would finish out the game, throwing a last minute checkdown pass touchdown to win it. However, shortly after ESPN’s top secret agents, Adam Schefter and Chris Mortensen reported that Romo was in fact done for the season. Hell, Mort even said he needed surgery!

Tony Romo diagnosed with herniated disc. Surgery necessary, per sources

— Chris Mortensen (@mortreport) December 23, 2013

So the whole world is acknowledging that Romo can’t play. I mean, hell, he has a goddamn hernia. My uncle had one once and he could barely breathe. Tough one for the ‘Boys right?

Wrong. Jerry has different ideas. According to ESPN Jerry Jones won’t rule out Romo for Sundays potential playoff clinching game. Yep, Jerry Jones now dictates how bad an injury is, the man is officially God. For Christmas he better get Romo some cortisone shots cause it is gonna be a long game.

Slight update, it appears the Cowboys have brought in a few QB’s, namely David Carr and John Skelton. Because hey, if they’re going to lose they might as well bring in guys who know how to do it. Oh and their backup? Yeah that’s Kyle Orton who looks like he still has a home in Colorado if ya know what I mean.

Fabio Orton (Tim Heitman-USA TODAY Sports)

Well Merry Christmas Cowboys fans! It’s going to be just like your family holiday party, dysfunctional and probably full of alcohol.

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-El Perro Grande

Steve Spurrier Getting His ‘Hump Thrust’ Workout Game On

What’s up ya mutts?! Been a while, I know. Blame Obama. But really blame college finals for the lack of awesome writing from myself, EPG and the Black Pearl.

Anyways, back on the blog grind, spitting out fire flame blogs.

We start off with Steve Spurrier getting his gym game on with your ever so casual exercise ball ‘Hump Thrusts’. Yes, you read that right, take a look at this form:

 

No wonder why my abs are non-existent, I have been completely ignoring the hump thrust rotations in my gym routine. Such an idiot move on my part. When you want to look the best, you have to be the best and the only way to go about that, is with the hump thrust. Just completely reinventing the core workout and that’s something you have to respect.

P.S. Somewhere in there, there is a way to make a joke about the South Carolina Gamecocks, I’m just not smart enough to wrap my head around it.

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-Gonzo