Tag Archive: Canada


First things first, I know Canada gets a lot of bad rap and gets called America’s Hat more often then not, but can we talk about the quality of their video recording capabilities? I mean c’mon you frenchies, this thing has about as many pixels as girls I have hooked up with (far from 1080p quality). I honestly think the first moon landing has better video quality then this. Step up your shit Canada, or we are gonna have to disown you as our hat.

Now story time. One time back in like PeeWee hockey, or possibly Bantams I had a hockey coach you flipped out one time during practice. No joke he slingshotted his stick from goal line to goal line. I shit you not, I shit my pants a little bit.

-Gonzo

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Well Jiminy Crickets Sears!! What the fuck are you trying to do to me here. Go online to oder my fab Packers jersey and bam get a giant dildo dong straight in my eyeball. Not a good way to start any day.

First things first, if you shop at Sears for clothing you are an idiot. Almost deserve to have a dildo pop up on your screen.

Secondly, how in the flying fuck is that shirt worth $70? 70 goddamn dollars? Are you joking? Is it made out of Egyptian Caterpillar Silk with a 2300 thread count? Give me a break on that shit.

Thirdly, I’m by far the next dildo expert, but is that even a dildo? It can’t be right? To be honest it looks more like an molded dick that you hang on your mantle or wall like a hunting trophy, rather than a dildo. And why is there two of the same “coffee” dildos? Is that racist?

 

-Gonzo

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Jiminy Crickets! Didn’t see that one coming, didn’t see that coming one bit.

Aside from both sounding and looking like it was filmed in the 1960’s during the Cold War era, overall it was a pretty nice little donnybrook if you ask me.

Honestly didn’t even know girls got into fights in hockey games, bitter rivals or not. Like legitimate question here, do they all get 5 minute fighting majors or just kicked out of the game? What’s the penalty for hair pulling?

Also gota love that all of them had helmets and face shields on. Kinda defeats the purpose of fighting right? Basically a glorified wrestling match.

POV video:

-Gonzo

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Fucking Brits man, can’t even go out in public without making a complete mockery of themselves. If it was just the Tiger, I would totally understand and fully support it. But a God damn Elephant and Eagle? Give me a break with that shit, what do you think this is? The zoo? Keep your sexual fantasies at home, you damn savages.

P.S. I see you Eagle Man, with your sweatshirt wrapped around your waist. Loser city, population Eagle Man.

 

-Gonzo

Calgary Flooding

So if you don’t watch the news, which is understandable these days, given the like of ESPN and CNN, but you may have missed the fact that Calgary (that’s a city in Canada for you non-geophraphers) is dealing with massive flooding. Honestly, don’t have any idea how this happened so quickly and how I am just hearing about it. It’s like the Red Sea opened up and bam, water everywheres. Damn Global Warming.

In any case, Calgary Flames’ arena, also known as Scotiabank Saddledome, has been inundated with water, as you can see by the pictures and Tweet below. 10th row up already! Good thing they built the arena like a half pringle/half canoe like structure, so if it gets high enough we know the arena will at least float.

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-Gonzo

What can I say about this Goddess of a woman, she plays soccer and plays it very well.

I speak for my other bloggers here at Bench Warmers, Alex Morgan has a special place in our hearts.  We have a crush on her and so should you.

-The Black Pearl

Today I will be interviewing Alexis Normand  via Skype at 1pm EST. For those of you that may be unfamiliar with Alexis Normand, she is the young lady who recently botched the U.S National Anthem at the 2013 Memorial Cup.

That will be the basis of the interview, just asking her various questions about that night and how she was able to hold such great composure throughout the whole song. She will also be talking about her most recent debut full-length bilingual album, “MIRADOR” released earlier this year. We will be posting more about that on our next blog, which should include a video of the interview and a transcript.

alexisnormand.com

-Gonzo

An A For Effort?

Ah the Memorial Cup… highlighting young stars, and also…some awful singing. For those who missed it here, here’s the video of Alexis Normand “singing” the Star Spangled Banner before the Portland-Halifax game:

Little video breakdown time, Ms. Normand started strong, until the first slip up at about 30 second mark. She recovers though…for about 5 words, and the just flat out forgets the words. If you listen closely at about the minute mark, you can hear someone in the audience say “no”, but she trudges along. Really only hitting “and the bombs bursting in air” at this point the audience realizes she’s floundering and helps her finish strong. Chalk it up to nerves, or that she’s Canadian, but man was that bad. However, good work Ms. Normand for sticking it out, basically pretending nothing happened, I would’ve just dropped the mic and walked out.

-El Perro Grande

Metta Does Weather

Metta World Peace (the Lakers forward) was invited to do the weather at FOX 11 in LA. And like everything else in his life, he chose to do it “joker style”.

Metta drops some knowledge on us about Robert Sacre (LA rookie, here’s his Wikipedia page, read up) who apparently migrated from Canada to the Lakers, pretty sick migration. Really like how Metta doesn’t where he is, kinda like when hes on the court. When he finally finds it, he’s quick to point out it’s most famous for a cemetery, sort of like where his career is now.

And then he finishes it off with a class, if you can’t read go to school, irony is I doubt Metta could actually read it.

Hey at least he’s not beating up Pistons fans.

-El Perro Grande